A long time ago, I thought it all fell into place,
So sure of my choices, so confident.
Now, I find my old purposes shimmer unfaithfully from their youth,
Dazzle me with their blinding simplicity, the memory of my memories changing
back and forth between raw amusement, shock and awe, and occasionally pride too.
I was and still am those choices, I still am. I stand beside them
Head held slightly crooked but standing, wondering about substance.
They say just do shit and don’t look back,
but you can’t help but look back, compare, compare, consider.
It’s the great undoing.
My direction, a long pathway paved in a desire for love
and connection. A deep yearning to connect but with a mind so steeped in
narcissism and single minded obsession,
connection was a shadow that I felt I could never even touch.
Unless… Unless.. the trying was the touch.
I tried, I tried, I really did,
yet, my blind love was still better than a night in the club,
wasn’t it my dears?
I was there, 100%, and I cherish those memories in my every cell.
Those sheets, the grass in the hair, those moon fuelled nights,
Fingers clenched, the forest and streets wrapping us up.
I was there for fuck’s sake! Leave my memories alone…
So in the end, we were just in the middle of it all,
jugglers in a carnival of learning and transformation.
At the end of the day, I’m glad you were there with me, connecting as we do.
There is nothing anyone can do to take that away.
We helped each other get from there to here.